Ah, Valentine’s Day. Most men hate to shop for their beloved on February 14, due to lack of time and because there is just too much meaning placed on Valentine’s Day gifts. Did you know that most women loathe the holiday too? I know this because I’m one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I relish the idea of a romantic day where my husband and I can canoodle in front of our fireplace, sip wine and relax. But it never happens. Why? Oh, a few little things like jobs, children and our four dogs. My husband never has time to shop for me and he’s so picky that I hate shopping for him. Thus, we mutually agree to ignore the day, and the holiday flies by, leaving both of us a little disappointed.
I was surprised to find that we’re not alone. I figured most men consider the holiday a burden, but I didn’t know most women do too.
I do now.
If you believe the DeBeers’ and Kay’s commercials, you’d think all women had V-Day on their brains. The truth is far from it. Here’s what real women really think, from a straw poll I conducted in early February. Respondents asked to remain anonymous, for obvious reasons.
“I think Valentine’s Day is stupid. We don't usually do gifts, although I havegotten a few orchids that I then felt the pressure of having to keep alive…”
“I wouldn’t say that I hate Valentine’s Day, but I am indifferent. It’s cheesy. I would much prefer to be the recipient of some romantic gesture out of the blue…like January, for instance.”
“One year I got a card that said, ‘For Valentine’s, I got you this card to tell you how much you mean to me. Inside: what are you looking in here for?’ We didn’t make it to another Valentine’s.”
“It’s not a holiday that I love. My worst gift was a crappy white vase with a red carnation from my husband that I later found out he paid $32 for. I wanted to strangle both him and the local florist who robbed us of the $32.”
“It’s a Hallmark holiday. We possibly go out for dinner or I make an extra effort to be romantic. That’s it.”
“One year I got a crappy fruit basket. Fruit is not romantic. I really hate remembering that. Geez, why did you have to bring it up?”
“Valentine’s Day is good through first grade. That’s it!”
“I got a dozen roses that never opened and I found later that he paid $98 for them. I'll I could think of was what else I could have gotten for $98!”
Only one woman I talked to said she loves the holiday, but that’s because Valentine is her maiden name. “The holiday has a special meaning to us Valentines,” she said.
Her opinion doesn’t count.
Clearly, we need a Valentine’s Day intervention. Most everyone I know could benefit from a romantic day with their beloved. But how do we turn it around? How can men and women get through this romantic holiday gone bad?
Women can start by being honest with men about their expectations and what they’re really looking for. It’s not wrong to tell your boyfriend or husband you’d really love to receive a pair of pearl stud earrings or a gift certificate for a massage. He’ll probably thank you for eliminating the guesswork and the disappointment that comes with receiving a toaster. In turn, you can do something nice for him. How about cooking his favorite meal? Getting tickets for his favorite team? Even rubbing his back or organizing his closet will show you care. It’s not like he gets that kind of attention from you anymore, if we’re totally honest.
Men: Nix delivery of the tired, overdone dozen red roses or knee-jerk box of candy. What will resonate with women (and be fairly easy for you):
Take her to the spot where you had your first date. Feed her a delicious meal.
Buy tickets to her favorite show. Stick them inside a romantic card and write a little something special—and specific—about why you love her.
Give her something personal and thoughtful (and beautifully wrapped; we love that stuff) such as a pearl necklace if she’s got a June birthday (the pearl is June’s birthstone) or opal stud earrings if she’s an October girl. She’ll be thrilled you even knew to personalize the gift by choosing her birthstone. If you want a more classic, wearable piece of jewelry, there are many affordable, beautiful and high-quality freshwater pearls out there. You can even order pearl jewelry online. Many companies offer free shipping, free returns and elegant gift wrapping. All you have to do is point and click for two minutes and wait for the gift to arrive.
Finally, how about just taking the kids out for a night so she can relax? Or doing something thoughtful like detailing her car, washing her dog or cooking dinner together while you share a nice bottle of wine?
Together we can put back a little romance into February 14!
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